he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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