walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
