Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
