$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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