Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
