fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
