I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
