I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
