The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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