The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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