i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
