Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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