The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
