I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
