you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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