I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
