I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
