Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
