The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
