My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
