Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize