Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
