Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
