so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
