Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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