If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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