all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
