Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
