just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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