great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
dude. I can hear the air.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
