Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my phone needs a breathalizer
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
