My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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