Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
