If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
