Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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