I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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