Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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