He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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