Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
