An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
