Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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