I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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