tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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