Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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