Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
