Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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