I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
