My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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