I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
