im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I touched a dick in church today
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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