Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
