you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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