How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
