I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think your dad took our porno
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
