I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
