I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
