So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
bring money and cleavage
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
