Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
