Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we're so committed to being not committed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
