To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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