morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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