Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
