barbara walters just said penis...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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