She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
