I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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