We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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