giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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