I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
