There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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