I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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