he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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