So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
